an odd feeling

 I always knew I would struggle to honour the challenge of writing a regular blog during my sabbatical. I have never been able to keep a regular diary and tend to reflect on events long after they have happened and usually such thoughts come in response to very different events. But as I head into the second of my three months of privileged time for reflection I try to sum up how I feel and fill out the space with images of some of the work I did during my short drawing course in Florence.

Taking account of my working title, we are of course now in the 'beyond' bit, Advent (the preparation time) has gone. We are now firmly in the liturgical season of Christmas - the waiting is over and we are called to live within the renewed reality of 'Immanuel - God is with us'.

Advent was fun and it was busy. I travelled, saw new places, met new people and experienced new things. Even did some drawing! Then I spent some time getting to know my sabbatical environment in Berwick upon Tweed (which by the way owes much to Italian architectural influence in respect of its street plan and walls, reflecting Lucca in Tuscany - only not as warm!), I renewed my love/hate relationship with DIY tasks in our flat - and of course had an immensely relaxed festive season. At the beginning of this I was worried about 'letting go' - but whether it was the busyness or the stimulation of new things, I didn't find myself over concerned about the things which normally dictate my life. It all felt unusual, out of routine, and just occasionally real things impinged - but not too much and they were of my choosing.

But it is beginning to feel different now. I miss many of the people I would normally have around me, I am beginning to wonder what is going on. What are they doing? Will I be able to fit back in in March? Are they glad I'm not there? Folk are being incredibly good at not contacting me and do appreciate that - but it does engender a sort of loneliness and feeling of being marginalised. I think it might be good for me in the end but just now it is odd. I have let go, now I need to resist any temptation to grab for security. I am not a paranoid, control freak - am I?